Facebook?

so, after almost 2 years i just signed myself up for Facebook again... i have not added any friends just yet as i need time to think through this decision....  ha ha

i found myself wasting time on Facebook. which i hated. i felt horrible after losing myself in friend's lives through pictures when i really should be losing myself in friends lives through actually living in them. not only that, but i had a husband, family, and dogs that had lives that i wanted to honestly be a part of.

another reason i have a hard time with Facebook? its honesty. or, more accurately, its lack of.

and another? the fact that i have social anxieties. believe it or not it carries over into "cyber social situations". also, I'm still trying to come to terms with this one... linked, for me at least, to my anxiety is the fact that i have an inferiority complex. i don't like labeling myself as someone who has low self esteem (only further supporting the fact that i do, in fact, have an inferiority complex...? ha ha). still need to accept that one. and of course there are things i love about myself. things i am happy about and sure of. but i usually walk in a room and see so many smart, funny, interesting, kind, outgoing, talented people around me. i see so many people i look up to and sadly -this is the bad part- i start to compare myself. i can't even begin to count the amazing people around me- and i usually rate myself below them.

this brings up a lot of other issues in life like the fact that i am sometimes run by constant guilt -brought on by myself- BUT that is another story. today, i am making my Facebook decision.

i am drawn to Facebook to be able to keep up and more easily communicate with others that i otherwise may not be able to.

i also understand that my anxiety is brought about because i am SELF conscious. i want to be OTHERS conscious. its just harder to do than i wish it was, as sadly, my anxiety keeps me from interacting with people as much as i should or could -my brain can't figure out how to think any differently yet...

anyway, this time around, with Facebook, (if i go ahead with it) I'm going to forget myself more. I'm going to limit myself- use some self control. I'm going to add it to my life in healthy doses.